I am my Mother’s Daughter…..
As a young girl, my mother was my idol, I wanted to be just like her…. I was her little sidekick, everywhere she went, I wanted to go too.
I always tried to please her and wanted her to be proud of me, and she was..
Mom was a young mom, had me at 19 years old, so we somewhat grew up together. She always let me borrow her clothes and jewelry when I was a teenager. That was fun!
My mother was also that 80’s Mom, who was always on a diet and always tried to look her best. Which led her to become a very insecure and jealous woman and would blame her insecurities on my dad. Something that left a big impression on me, because they argued and I was always afraid that they would divorce…
During my middle school years, I too began to feel insecure about my body as I took on some of her insecurities.
At that point in my life, I made her insecurities mean that she was never happy or satisfied with her life or her weight, so there must be something wrong with her…. Right? As her little sidekick, I took on some of these characteristics on as well.
Except, I fought them for most of my 20’s and 30’s, which led me to have an identity crisis and feeling angry. I wanted to be like her, but couldn’t understand why we had to feel that way. It was all very confusing.
My mom also had some amazing attributes, that I thank her for today. She was an entrepreneur, and was always hustling and trying to start a home business. Always looking for something bigger in better. Something that I see in myself as well.
At the age of 45, she began Cosmetology school, and although I looked up to her for that. During this time she and my dad finally separated. I was an adult and understood on some level why, but it didn’t hurt any less.
Their separation drove me to become angry with her and at the world as well. Soon after, our relationship suffered and would remain unstable for almost 15 years…
Thankfully today, we are in a much better place. I’ve now taken responsibility and ownership of my own thoughts, beliefs and emotional life and who I want to be. I have even taken some of her attributes and applied them to my life which make me the woman I am today, like her entrepreneurial spirit. When I stopped blaming her for the part of me that felt lost and angry, I got my power back. These days, we are best friends and our relationship is the best its ever been. Because just like with best friends, I get to be me and she also gets to be whoever she wants!
Can you see yourself and your relationship with your Mother in my story? Are you still suffering through it? Then let’s chat, I’m sure I can give you some great tools to help you move forward. Get on my calendar HERE